Fuck. Why am I here again?
I constantly start and stop writing. I don't know what inspires me or DE-inspires me. But it's something. And I keep coming back.
I considered going back to writing smut. Cause that's something I do well. Erotica is one of those things I do love to write, and I know I did it well. However, that just isn't in me right now. Maybe later. For now, I just feel like writing.
Life is just awesome. I think of when I started this blog, and how much pain I was in when it started, and it just makes me sad to think about it. How could that have happened to me? How did I allow those things to occur in my life back then? But they did, and I survived it. How? Why? Because I didn't have a choice. It's that simple. I'm not a woman who wallows FOREVER. For a while maybe, but eventually I get tired of the drama and the negativity. I get tired of MYSELF and look for a way out.
Mike's death still takes a toll on me though. I still think about him every day. I still see things that I think HE would think were are funny, and think "oh I gotta tell him about that." And then I remember he's gone. I am not sure when that will ever go away.
I am less angry though. The bad memories, on most days, have faded out of my periphery and I tend to remember the better times. The funny times. I'm just built that way. My brain is built to forgive and forget, and this time, perhaps that's a good thing.
But as I was saying, life is awesome. 2017 was a pretty great year for me. I got laid off from the hospital, and it has been the best thing that could have happened. I'm working from home now and I LOVE it. There are challenges, but over all, I really recommend it.
I have days though that I just don't have the motivation. There are days that I am too mentally distracted to really accomplish anything. Luckily though, I don't have daily tasks. Just jobs that need to be completed in a timely manner. So as long as I give myself a realistic completion date, I can stand to skip a day or be less productive here and there. It works for me and it works for my family. The kids love it, I love it, the man loves it.
I'm hoping 2018 will be more of the same. Happy New Year.