Fuck.  Why am I here again? 

I constantly start and stop writing.  I don't know what inspires me or DE-inspires me.  But it's something.  And I keep coming back.

I considered going back to writing smut.  Cause that's something I do well.  Erotica is one of those things I do love to write, and I know I did it well.  However, that just isn't in me right now.  Maybe later.  For now, I just feel like writing. 

Life is just awesome.  I think of when I started this blog, and how much pain I was in when it started, and it just makes me sad to think about it.  How could that have happened to me?  How did I allow those things to occur in my life back then?  But they did, and I survived it.  How?  Why?  Because I didn't have a choice.  It's that simple.  I'm not a woman who wallows FOREVER.  For a while maybe, but eventually I get tired of the drama and the negativity.  I get tired of MYSELF and look for a way out.

Mike's death still takes a toll on me though.  I still think about him every day.  I still see things that I think HE would think were are funny, and think "oh I gotta tell him about that."  And then I remember he's gone.  I am not sure when that will ever go away.

I am less angry though.  The bad memories, on most days, have faded out of my periphery and I tend to remember the better times.  The funny times.  I'm just built that way.  My brain is built to forgive and forget, and this time, perhaps that's a good thing. 

But as I was saying, life is awesome.  2017 was a pretty great year for me.  I got laid off from the hospital, and it has been the best thing that could have happened.  I'm working from home now and I LOVE it.  There are challenges, but over all, I really recommend it. 

I have days though that I just don't have the motivation.  There are days that I am too mentally distracted to really accomplish anything.  Luckily though, I don't have daily tasks.  Just jobs that need to be completed in a timely manner.  So as long as I give myself a realistic completion date, I can stand to skip a day or be less productive here and there.  It works for me and it works for my family.  The kids love it, I love it, the man loves it. 

I'm hoping 2018 will be more of the same.  Happy New Year.

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