For the intent and purpose of MY life, poly is- by definition "Many loves." (I think that's latin and italian mixed) This means that we are capable of being in more than one loving relationship. It doesn't mean we go sleeping around- we do not identify as swingers, so keep that in mind before anyone makes assumptions. Of course, I know very little about swingers- maybe they are also loving relationships- but in MY limited knowledge, I think swinging it's just a sex thing. So we engage in loving relationships with other people.
Some people have what is considered "open poly" where all members are involved with other people outside the group. For example, lets say that SR (my Dominant and partner) and I are also involved with another girl. SR has a different girl he sees, I may have a different guy I see, and the other girl may be seeing two other people. And all of THOSE people might be seeing other people. That is an example of 'open' poly. This works well for some people. They are free to love as many and as often as thier lives can hold. We don't do open poly.
We are a closed poly family. We engage with each other. If SR finds someone who strikes his fancy, he can get to know her, and maybe get involved with her, or perhaps introduce me to her and maybe I will like her too. Maybe not. I am not forced to engage with his other partners if I choose not to. Can I have another partner? Well, that's where the DOMINANT part of our relationship comes in. I know if I met someone that I REALLY liked and REALLY wanted to get to know- I could ask and it might be ok for me to engage in a relationship outside of the core relationship, or core group as it were. Is it something I want? Well, not really. Sure it might be nice to have a boyfriend-y type person to hang out with- but I am perfectly happy right now. Maybe later I will change my mind, but it's not what I really want right now.
I may or may not talk about the people we see, but there is a core group right now consisting of two other partners in our "house." I'll use blog speak and refer to them as G2 and G3. (girl2 and girl3) For fun I like to refer to them and 2 and 3. He is Dominant to all of us, although my 'role' is a bit deeper as we have been together longer, and we live and share a life together. I am close to and in a relationship with G2. I am just starting to really get to know G3.
Ask me any questions you might have. I'm willing to answer them. I don't advertise my life to my family or my co-workers, mainly because it isn't really anyones business. I don't ask you about your sex life- I just ask how your weekend was. My core family I refer to as my partners. Not my boyfriend and my girlfriend, but my partners. We spend time together, have meals, go shopping, watch TV and all the things that regular couples do, but it's more than just the two of us.
It may seem weird, but it's not weird to me. I enjoy having another girl around to talk to- someone to help me around the house, cooking meals and stuff. I love it when they come over and make dinner. I was surprised at how NOT weird it was. I am a loving person, believe it or not. I do believe it's possible to love more than one person. Actually, I know it for a fact. So why not celebrate that?
It isn't always easy. I won't lie. There are days that I want to spend time with SR on our own. There's time when I'd rather not have people over. There are times when I have to give up his attention because he is spending time with the other girls. Jealousy exists in poly. What matters is how I act about it. I could throw a fit and pout and act like a total bitch about it, or I can suck it up and deal- because in the end- he and I are in a committed relationship and there is no reason for me to feel jealous. If I am thinking logically, I know this and I can relax about it and not feel slighted or left out. By allowing him to have the other relationships that make him happy, I am showing him love- and that love comes back to me in return. It's made me a stronger person, and more confident in myself.
G2 came over tonight for a very short visit. Too short for my liking, but she was tired and needed some sleep. Even still, just a few minutes to see her and give her a hug and a kiss left SR and I feeling good and happy.
It's not perfect, but we love our life and the people in it only add to that love.