my hopes

My son is 18 today.  18.  wow.  When the hell did that happen???

What a strange thing to think that I have an ADULT son.  Legally adult, he still acts like is about 12 sometimes.  I'm wondering what my mother thought about when her oldest child turned 18, or even her youngest.

He is with his Dad in Arizona today.  I wish he was here.  I'd take him to the movies like we do every year for his birthday (except we last year- for some reason) and we'd go out to lunch.  He's a good kid.  We have good talks and enjoy each others company about as much as a mother and son can.

He's going off to the Marine Corps this summer.  I've said this before.  I think today, as I sit here- that is starting to feel pretty real for me.  He's planning to go to Winter Formal this year, then Prom.  then his high school graduation.  Then.... whew...  where did the time go?

I hope I raised him right.  I hope that I taught him what he needs to know, or that he learned it somewhere else.  So far, he's a good kid.  He doesn't smoke or drink or do drugs.  He doesn't party or even womanize. He respects women and his elders.  He does ok in school and admits that he could do a little better in English if he didn't hate it so much.

I just hope that the lessons I gave him will make him strong enough for the lessons he will learn on his own.

I hope I taught him how to be brave when he's scared.  How to stand up for himself when he's pushed.  How to fight the fights that are worth fighting, not just the ones you can win.  I hope he knows that I won't always be happy with the choices he makes, but that I will always love him.

I hope he knows that while I can't always help him- I will wish that I could.  I hope that I didn't expose him to too many of the bad things in life, but that I didn't shelter him too much.  I love that he is optimistic but not delusional about the world.

I hope that he travels, but always comes back to visit.
I hope that he loves, but realizes that love takes work.
I hope that he has a family someday, but not any time soon.

I hope he knows how proud I am of him, despite the numerous mistakes I made.  I hope he knows I did the best that I knew how.

1 comment:

April T said...

Beautifully said Julie. I think you did an amazing job with Alex and I'm very proud of him too. OMG I can't believe he's 18...